08 Feb 2016
Presidential candidate email subject line suggestions
2016’s race to the White House is fascinating.
It has been, thus far, and by a wide margin, the strangest in recent memory.
Going in to the New Hampshire primary on February 9th, several of the less appealing candidates have already dropped out. Several more probably should have, but are still stubbornly refusing to throw in the towel, presumably hoping for some kind of bizarre event to push a few of the front runners out of the way.
In this election, that is still a very real possibility.
In efforts to drum up support/cash, the remaining candidates have unleashed an unprecedented email deluge on an American public. Who, by and large, read them with bemused curiosity, if at all.
The inboxes of America have become so saturated, and American voter’s positions so solidified at this point, that click-rates for such emails have plummeted to lows not seen since the heyday of the extensive Nigerian royal family and their struggles to move money to the lucky public’s bank accounts.
It is time for a new subject line strategy.
Here at Phrasee, click rates are our speciality. We know that with just a little email subject line optimisation, any candidate availing him/her self of our services would gain an edge which just might mean the difference in winning their party’s nomination.
Sadly, we have, as yet not been contacted by a single candidate or their staffers, leaving the race so close that no less than 12 delegates in the important Iowa Caucus had to be decided by a toss of the coin.
Image credit: Sony Pictures Television
We here at Phrasee have assumed that the glaring oversight of not seeking our help must be attributed to ignorance. There is simply no other plausible explanation.
The word has clearly not yet reached the political elite in the US that machine learning and email subject line optimisation increase open, clicks and revenue by as much as 417%.
Since nobody has hired us yet, our machine learning technology will remain on the shelf in this arena… for the moment.
Our team, however, has a few suggestions for email subject lines which should, at the very least, get the voting public’s attention:
Presidential candidate email subject line suggestions (by candidate, in no order whatsoever):
Who famously reports attempting to stab one of his friends in his teens, only to have the knife get stuck on the lucky fellow’s belt buckle…
“Important information enclosed about how not to get stabbed by me!”
Who has declared war on what he calls “The Billionaire Class”…
“Enclosed: My 3 step plan to make billionaires come to your house and do your dishes”
Who plans to build a wall along the US/Mexico border (which he says he will make Mexico pay for)
“You have been selected to live within the walls of my country – register now, before it’s too late and I deport you.”
Whose campaign has been derailed several times by scandals such as the Bengazi disaster and her secret email server…
“You’ll never guess from which of my secret email accounts I sent you this!”
Whose impressive business and political acumen has been overshadowed by her… erm… demeanour…
“Do you think I’m less likeable than Hillary Clinton?”
Whose gruff demeanour, quick temper, and vengefulness have combined to make him essentially unelectable…
“The 25 people I will punch in the face in my first week in office”
“Oh yeah? Well I’ve never heard of YOU either!”
Who looks to be the first member of the Bush dynasty to be unsuccessful in his bid for the White House…
“Our list of the top 4 sexiest Bushes of all time. Number 1 might surprise you!”
Who swooped in and stole the Iowa Caucus from Donald Trump, but may not actually be eligible for the presidency, since he was, in fact, born in Canada…
“Top 10 reasons a Canadian should be allowed to be President of the USA”
Whose big moment delivering the official Republican Party response to Obama’s state of the union address was marred by an epic case of cottonmouth…
“Look, we all know that I am very thirsty, but what exactly I’m thirsty for may shock you! (spoiler: it’s your support)”
Who received a grand total of 12, yes 12, total votes in Iowa…
“The 4 secrets to throwing your vote away in the most spectacular way possible…”