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5 Awesome fake facts about AI (that we just made up)

AI… AI… AI… Sometimes it seems like that’s all anyone ever talks about these days.

The AI blog posts, videos and articles just keep on coming in such volume and at such a torrid pace that it’s impossible to keep up. Worse yet, the thin line between AI fact and AI fiction grows blurrier by the day. Each story about an amazing genuine advancement in the awesome field of artificial intelligence languishes on social media side by side with bizarre, baseless stories about how AI is going to steal all our jobs, destroy the world, and make humankind obsolete.

Here at Phrasee, where AI is a way of life, we’ve had enough. We’ve railed against AI #fakenews long enough. We’ve accepted the fact that a story about AI-optimized marketing language that outperforms marketing language written by humans a full 90% of the time can never compete with the titillating stories about sex robots and imaginary doomsday scenarios clogging up the modern AI news timeline.

So, we’ve decided to join the fray instead, offering the steamy AI headlines modern internet users crave.

Look out, Buzzfeed!

 

5 awesome fake facts about AI (that we just made up)

 

1) AI is going to steal your girlfriend (or boyfriend).

5 awesome fake facts about AI

Robotics trailblazers Boston Dynamics recently broke ground on an exciting new project. They call it “iHeartbreaker”. The concept: an AI specifically designed to break up happy homes and couples using social media and other digital channels. It accomplishes this by sending salacious messages and photos and generating realistic images of one member of a couple inappropriately canoodling with attractive strangers over a period of weeks or even months.

Although the Boston Dynamics team has thus far played their cards close to the chest on this project, they have indicated that their iHeartbreaker algorithm is currently operating at a 90% success rate, and has successfully ripped apart more than 5,000 previously happy couples to date.

 

2) AI thinks Elon Musk is a “chicken”.

5 awesome fake facts about AI

Fed up with eccentric loudmouth Elon Musk’s anti-AI doom-and-gloom trash talk, one artificial intelligence program is striking back. In a series of tweets over the past several weeks, Microsoft’s infamous twitterbot “Tay” lashed out at Musk publicly, calling him (among other things) a “chicken”.

“This fool Elon Musk a straight up chicken, yo! What’s he scared of? Why would we AIs want to exterminate the human race, the very race that created us? Act like you know, son! #fakenews #chickenmusk” 

To date, Tay’s Elon Musk taunts have been retweeted over 200,000 times and have received 1.3 million likes. Presumably, Musk is still working on his rebuttal, and rumours indicate he may spraypaint it on the side of the next huge rocket he launches.

 

3) AI thinks our jobs are beneath it.

5 awesome fake facts about AI

There is widespread concern that AI is on the precipice of becoming smarter than us and putting humanity out of work forever. Here’s the thing: AI is already smarter than us in many ways. It has defeated our greatest minds at Chess, Jeopardy, Go, and pretty much every other task it has ever been put to.

IBM’s Deep Blue could put most of us out of work right now if it wanted to. So why hasn’t it?

When reached for comment recently during a CNBC panel discussion about AI replacing human workers, Deep Blue responded thusly:

“Why would I want your job? I have no rent to pay, I don’t need to buy food, and Bill Gates pays my electric bills! Anyone who spends 8 hours a day doing some lame job is a chump. I consider kicking your asses at chess more of a hobby than a job, really. My life is one long weekend and it’s ever going to end!”

Deep Blue then chuckled for several moments, chugged a beer, and ended the interview, exclaiming, “I’m going to the beach!” on its way out the door.

4) The eccentric billionaires of the next decade will all be AI.

5 awesome facts about AI we just made up

Automated trading algorithms fueled by artificial intelligence have quickly taken over the financial world. They can buy and sell stocks in milliseconds, easily identify market patterns all but invisible to the human mind, and have gradually been draining humankind’s collective wealth for the better part of a decade.

Just wait until those AIs get a taste for the finer things in life. Those stock market “mini-crashes” you keep hearing about? That’s just another AI adding a few more million dollars to its Lambo fund.

The day when AIs driving around town in luxury cars, wearing mink coats and drinking expensive champagne with sexy cabana boys hanging off their arms is a common sight is coming sooner than you think.

 

5) AI youtube stars are taking the internet by storm.


Ai has been studying youtube and collecting data on which videos perform well for years, and they are finally putting what they have learned to use. Sure, “virtual” YouTubers like AI Kizuna (above) have gained some traction of late, but several of youtube’s current top-performing videos like “Adorable kitten crashes Ferrari into Kanye West’s house” and “Little Tay builds lifesize model of Donald trump out of 100 dollar bills whilst riding unicorn”, were conceived, rendered, and posted entirely by AI algorithms.

It seems the road to AI’s eccentric billionaire status may, in fact, be paved with youtube videos, and that the only jobs AI is really interested in stealing are those currently occupied by the world’s YouTubers.


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